The Threshold of Hell
I want to preface this post by saying after today I am never writing about men or relationships again. I am instead going to focus on ignoring any emotions related to them. So for those of you who secretly hate read my writings first off thank you for being a hater who is fascinated with me and trust me, I already know who you are darling. But a hater is a confused fan so 💋!
The bar is in hell. Like literally Hades. I’ve played Uno with Lucifer at least three times now. What made me come to this conclusion? I signed up for Hinge a while ago. (Can we consider changing the name to Unhinged?) I composed a profile that specifically described what I was looking for, curated what I felt were my best pictures, and tried to be open minded.
In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, “BIG MISTAKE!!”
The amount of men who made me question my looks and standards sent me spiraling. I don’t think one healthy man appeared on my matches. Fathers (I specified no men with kids), MAGAs (barf), old men who should be ashamed of looking at someone their daughter’s age, and straight up trash. Oh and one scammer!
Never. Fucking. Again.
What the hell is going on? The guys my age want to do the bare minimum. They pursue younger women who know nothing because they don’t have to go above and beyond with them. Older men want a replacement for their first wife after they have a midlife crisis. They’re worn and now suffering with health issues and so younger girl to the rescue! Men who do have kids want childless women to deal with their kids and that’s wonderful if you want to but I don’t want to.
Messages get sent upon matching and the man puts in no effort.
Man: hey. HRU?
Me: Hi there. I’m good. How are you?
Man: chilling at work.
Me: oh nice. So I see you have a dog too. What’s your pup’s name?
Guy: Fido (insert bro name in place of Fido). Yeah he’s my buddy. Me and him live together blah blah blah blah blah me me me
Me: (waiting for him to ask about my dog or me) 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗
Guy: (unmatch)
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
Where is the effort?!
So after a few of these idiotic encounters I decided to just delete the app and maybe look in real life. But that changed so quickly when I realized I don’t see men as something interesting anymore. Half of them have shitty hygiene (gross teeth, beards, shitty skin, poor fashion sense, dirty nails, smell bad), don’t have the sense on how to approach a woman, and despite what all you keep saying NO ONE APPROACHES ME! I can have a questionable woman near me and they will pick her. Every time!
So in an effort to stop torturing myself I’m going to work on shutting up my inner thoughts and feelings of romance. I’ve been divorced for 7 years and obviously my person is dead or the Divine up there said “this heifer is not relationship material.” I literally have sat in the park some days and thought hard about people I see, people I work with, people I knew and I’ve come to the conclusion I’m probably broken. It’s not horrible. I just won’t get a companion unless I force myself to settle and pretend to have a mental connection with them. A lot of people fake it all to have someone. I’m just broke. Like one of those teddy bears you see with a torn limb and stuffing comes out. Still functioning but slightly broke
So I am choosing to ignore the longing, the want for companionship, the hope. It’s been almost ten years. Shit ain’t happening. Not everyone in this life is destined for it. I’m probably one. So rather than continue to depress myself over dreaming of a mental and emotional connection with someone who I just get, rather than continue believing motherhood is in my cards, rather than believing someone out there would see me for me and think “how could her first husband throw away such a treasure?” I’m over it.
Y’all won. Imma shut up now. Never saying anything again or expressing any emotion related to that again.
Your favorite Villain,
Christina
🫶🏽🫂